I am serious

What I said about taking a two-week break from Buffalo sports... I don't think I was kidding. In fact, I know I was not. I did not believe for one millisecond, as I was typing it, that it was simply an overemotional reaction that would fade away in the morning. I have been serious about it since the moment I first entertained the thought, which was last weekend after both the Bills and Sabres displayed such absolutely sucktacular performances. I doubted that it could get worse and shrugged the thought off; then this last weekend happened, and... One more game, I said to myself. One more game from both teams. Give them a chance to rebound. Give them a chance. Even the Bills, who are essentially eliminated from the playoffs, anyway. Give them a chance. I gave the Sabres their chance. They blew it. The Bills? Why bother. I have no faith in either team to do even one good thing anymore, but my lack of faith in the Bills far surpasses the Sabres, simply because the Sabres have made the playoffs multiple times in the past decade.

I am, honestly, the most loyal person I know. I never give up on anything or anybody. I stand by friends even when I am viewed as foolish for doing so. I will never be able to live anywhere else but Buffalo simply because I have fallen in love with the place. When I join internet message boards, I am the last person to leave after they begin to crumble. To me, there is no such thing as an "old friend." Two and a half weeks ago, if you had told me that I would be seriously considering taking a break from Buffalo sports, I would have called you a liar and laughed at you. I am usually optimistic about the teams' future records.... I refuse to predict Cup and Super Bowl wins before every season like a lot of people I know do, but, depending on how the last season went, I tend to be hopeful that the Sabres, at least will make the playoffs. I had the Bills going 11-5 before the season started. Six weeks ago, that was still expected.

I have not been a Buffalo sports fan for the decades that many have. My family moved to Depew the summer I was eleven. I started following the Bills that year and the Sabres the next. It's only been seven years total. In that time, I have experienced nothing of the agony that four straight Super Bowl losses must have been, and for that, I berate myself, because I should not, then, be this cynical already. The Bills have never made the playoffs in the time that I have been a fan. The Sabres were horrendous for two seasons before taking a season off along with the rest of the league and coming back to be... excellent. If our bottom four defensemen had not been Paetsch, Fitzpatrick, Janik, and Jillson, we all know what would have happened...

The things that have taken place between the start of 2005 and now are what kill me (though honestly the worst Bills' season was 2004, when they missed by one game, due to the fact the the NFL did not change the score of that one game... remember that? when they sent a "letter of apology" to the team? it was all the radio stations talked about for a couple of weeks). My hopes have been sent soaring until they shatter that elusive glass ceiling countless times, only to fall back to earth in the most dramatic, heartbreaking ways thought possible. I have watched the 1991 Super Bowl game several times; ESPN Classic occasionally plays it. The first time I watched it, although I knew the outcome, I still sat, numb, for a good several hours after it ended. I knew what would happen that day during the year after I was born, and I still held my breath when Norwood sent the ball into the air; I was still kicked in the gut when it veered to the right. To have that repeated Monday night was simply unconscionable. From the same distance... in a game that, like that first Super Bowl appearance, should have been a dominant victory for the Bills.

After the game tonight, I left my dorm room and went down to the basement. I sat with several other people and just stared at the floor, contemplating whether or not to go on watching Buffalo sports. One of the students said something about how truly horrible it was that his team lost this weekend. He said that it was awful. I looked at him and said, "You don't know awful. You don't know anything. You have no idea what you're talking about." He said, "Lions fan!" in this cheery, upbeat tone, with a smile on his face. I replied, "No. Much worse. Much, much worse." His eyes fell, and he said in this quiet and apologetic voice, "Oh. Buffalo." What do I say to that reaction? What is there to say? I just shook my head and said, "Unfortunately," and that was that.

I cannot do this any more. I do not know why we live and breathe through our teams, when all they ever do is let us down. What did Albert Einstein say? To do the same thing all the time while expecting a different result than what occurred the last time is insanity? Why do we live and die through the Bills and Sabres when they have not once returned the favor?

So, I have arrived here. I am going to not watch a single Sabres or Bills game until, at least, the Wednesday that is two weeks from now. I have given up all hope I once had in the Bills, but... If the Sabres are still playing the worst I've ever seen them play two weeks from now, and if my life is significantly less stressful, and if I have more time... My hiatus may continue.

I am tired of defending Buffalo, but I will never stop. But the sports... I need a rest from them. I cannot take this.

I feel incredibly guilty right now. I am always the first to denigrate other fans for perceived fairweather tendencies. What I have always failed to consider is that, usually, those fans are much older than I. They have been through much more. Consequently, they will give up much sooner than I would ever dream simply because they know what failure looks like. They know which teams are not going anywhere. They are well acquainted with torment, and they, like me at this moment, do not want to experience any more of it.

There is nothing more that I can do or say... I still can't believe that I've actually made this decision, but I know that it won't change. I might sneak in one Sabres game Thanksgiving weekend, when I am home and can watch them in HD... I'll admit it if it does happen.

I'm just ashamed of myself for making this decision, although I know that it is not something over which I truly have control... But, more than that, I am disappointed in both teams for bringing it to this.

Now the question with which I will torture myself is whether or not those who have not yet arrived at this place have more fortitude than I... Or maybe they're just more foolish. I don't know anymore.

These teams are not fooling me twice in one season. No. They are not breaking my heart anymore for at least the next two weeks. I'll come back... I always do... I just need these weeks to... reprioritize. Perhaps the Sabres will play better if I'm not watching.